Totally reasonable guesses about Apple’s mystery B2002 product


Little gets me as hot and bothered underneath my studded leather dog collar than a mystery Apple product — and what could be hotter and more mysterious than something called B2002?

Let’s dig into the nonsense spouting from my fingers further. What is this B2002 thing all about?

Well, the folks at MacRumors noticed Apple filed a product entry on the Bluetooth SIG database under ‘B2002’ in October. Now, the company has put a trio of M1-equipped Macs under the same listing. But B2002 is still there.

“Okay,” I imagine you saying, “but what the hell does that mean — or have to do with anything?”

Well, when the listing first appeared, many assumed it was just a term for M1 Macs. Now though, the addition of those machines to the database makes it clear B2002 is something else entirely.

On top of this, there’s a raft of products (like the iPhone 12, Apple Watch Series 6, AirPods Max, and many, many more) that already have a listing on the database, meaning it’s unlikely to be something within these categories. We have a hot, alluring mystery on our hands, people.

Let’s round up what we do know.

As you can see below, B2002 is categorized as a personal computer, with a description as “Controller Subsystem + Host + Profile.” On top of this, the model number is still TBD (or “to be decided” if you hate acronyms).

b2002 apple product listing Bluetooth SIG

If you’re sensible, there are a lot of things B2002 could be. Before the last Apple announcement of 2020, we theorized about a range of different upcoming devices, including a new Apple TV and the long-rumored AirTags. Either of which would fit. And would be cool.

It may also be some sort of chip used in the M1 machines, which, to me, is most likely. This is uncool.

But I’m not interested in being sensible, cool, or uncool. Instead, it’s time to fling some totally reasonable guesses about what B2002 actually is at the wall and see if any stick.

Guess #1: Apple fan

B2002 apple fan

Bear with me here, but if you squint really hard at B2002, what does it look like? I mean really squint. Squint so you can barely see a thing. That’s right, B2002 kinda looks like “Brrrr.” And what makes you go “brrr?”

Fans.

I mean, if it works for Dyson, it can work for Apple too. On another note, don’t email me about this.

Guess #2: B2002 is code for an album

You could well say to me “an album doesn’t need to be registered on a Bluetooth database,” and, if you did, I would tell you to stop living in the past.

We know from the U2 debacle that Apple loves pushing music on people, so why not update it for the future? Instead of it being sent on phones, what if Apple uses your iPhone location to cannon a brand new album at you from space? And what if it’s Bluetooth-enabled, so you can connect your AirPods right to it. I’m in the region of 80% that this will happen.

The question though is… what album? I think I have the answer. The clue is all in ‘B2002.’

Unravelling the first clue is child’s play: 2002. It will be an album from someone popular in 2002. Easy, we have the list of the best selling albums right here. But the ‘B,’ what could that mean?

A quick scan of the aforementioned list reveals our answer: the eighth best selling album of 2002 was Britney by… Britney. That’s a double ‘B’ right there. Even more, the number ‘8’ itself also looks like a ‘B.’ This is not a coincidence.

If you’ve got an iPhone, expect to see a new Britney album hurtling towards your delicate, human face very soon.

Guess #3: THE END DAYS

All this seems familiar? A code that starts with a letter? Followed by some numbers? Designed by a hugely powerful, international organization? In secret?

t-800 apple terminator